The Fargey Family Connection

Bell & I

Time has been flying by at a truly alarming rate, and I can't believe it's already September 2010. I didn't even get a single post in for all of August and most of July... So I am finally getting to do some catch up. First up is the Fargey Family Connection.

Star & I

Mario and I were invited to my 1/2 sister Bell's wedding in northern CA. I knew there was no way we would miss it, even though I had no idea how we would make it all work out with our schedule and finances. One night while sitting at my computer trying to plan out the travel aspect (fly? $. Rent a car? $ Drive? Long! Where would we stay? , etc.) I happened to procrastinate on over to Facebook and decided to see if my 1/2 brother, Star, was on the site. Turns out he was... and he instantly friended me. Then I see photos of him with a baby?! Did Lily have a baby?! I didn't even know she was pregnant! She had a beautiful premature baby girl named Melody Sophia. So I am sitting here processing the fact that I am now an aunt...and chatting with Star via messaging... kind of tripping out as I usually do when I reconnect with my father's side of the family. I am still kind of slack jawed and introspective when I get a friend request from someone named Tracy. I stare dumbfounded at my computer. I have a 1/2 sister - older than I am - same dad, named Tracy. I've never met her, I know absolutely nothing at all about her. Could this be THE Tracy? Then in quick succession I get a message on Star's page from her, basically just saying, "hi!" and then Star says... "oh yeah, meet your other sister". So yes, it was... it is... my long lost 1/2 sister Tracy. This triggers an emotional and somewhat weird flurry of messages betweens us, where we recount our sides of the story of our lives, including our experiences with Tom ... our dad. Especially amazing for me was to hear Tracy's story of The Phone Call. The phone call in the fall of my 17 year old year, when I learned from him that he was dying. Tracy's the only other person in my life that could somewhat understand my take on that experience, and it was incredible to share it with her. She has children, and lives in NC. We are hoping to get to meet in the not-t00-distant future. What an experience that will be!!!

Coastal fog heading in as we cross over from San Fran area to Half Moon Bay

So I tell that story first to explain that going up to Bell's wedding was already pretty wrought with emotion. I was so overwhelmed from work, financial concerns, stresses and more work, that getting away for 4 whole days felt almost impossible, but it was actually happening, and I really was so ready to get away. Mario and I made the decision to drive up as far as we wanted on a Thursday, heading straight up the 101 around 5 or 6 hours (not Hwy 1, which would have been prettier, but taken much longer). We made it to San Fran area by around early evening, and then decided at the last minute to head towards the coast and stay somewhere in Half Moon Bay. We found an interesting sounding place called the Half Moon Bay Inn. It turned out to be this quaint boutique hotel with a bed and breakfast feel. Each room was different, ours was decorated in a country / shabby chic feel... complete with white washed hardwood floors, fresh flowers on the tables, and a little kitchenette with a pink coffee pot (with locally grown coffee and organic creamer in the mini fridge!) It also turned out that the place was totally dog friendly, to any size dog! :) (we didn't bring ours for this trip, however) And, to make it all that much more lovely, there was a delicious Italian restaurant downstairs where we had a yummy dinner and wine before passing out on the fluffy bed... ahhh...

Me standing in the doorway of our suite at Half Moon Bay Inn

The bar at the Italian restaurant downstairs

Our bedroom Table and chairs with fresh flowers on our patio

The next morning we went straight out to the beach at Half Moon Bay, and enjoyed a cool foggy morning walk accompanied only by sea birds and a lone sea shell hunter. It was a great way to start the rest of our trip north. There's something about northern California that makes me feel like it's "more" California, or something -- than southern CA. (which we all know, I truly love!) but northern CA has a different feel for certain, it's intangible to me at this point as I write this, but definitely a feeling I've felt over the years. As we drove up I kept thinking the Led Zep lyrics for Going to California. As if I haven't lived in CA for the last almost 16 years?

It took another 6 hours or so to get to Garberville, where the wedding would be held. The drive up was peaceful. I had found a CD that Randy made - who knows when - that we had never been able to get to play. For whatever reason I found it, and most of the songs played on my car's CD player... and it was this interesting mix of songs that kind of pulled on my heart in odd ways. I was entrenched in thinking about family, and how it was amazing that I was heading up to Bell's wedding and would see her for the first time since Star's wedding, and that his wedding was the last time I saw them since MY wedding. (and that was the first time I ever met them!!!!) I saw a car with a bumper sticker that said "Be Happy", which was my dad's life advice to me during The Phone Call... I felt like he was there. Mario and I both noticed little yellow leaves falling out of the sky from unknown trees (there were no obvious yellow leaves on them??) that floated down across the road like butterflies. I saw a sign for Bell Springs, which is where Bell was born. I saw a sign for Leggett, which was where my dad lived when we first "met" when I was in 7th grade. We drove through majestic stands of redwoods, and it was hot out -- nearly 100. It just all felt like a dream, and that feeling never really left me the entire time we were there. We pulled into the inn where the wedding would be held... The Benbow Inn. A beautiful old place built on a turn in the Eel River, with an english garden in front, a fountain in the back, stone garden paths winding through shady trees dripping in lacey moss. It felt like we had traveled back in time. The main room had an enormous fireplace and the walls were covered in old paintings and dark wood railings on the staircases. Our room had a crystal decanter of sherry, with tiny glasses for drinking it.

We walked around admiring the grounds, and then decided to drive up the 101 a few miles to see the Avenue of the Giants, a roughly 30 mile stretch of road that winds along through ancient redwood forests. As we were walking back out to our car, we saw Star... walking into the hotel carrying his tux, accompanied by Eric - Bell's fiance!! They had to get ready for the rehearsal dinner, so we agreed to see them later in the bar, and head out to see the trees.

The trees... I don't even know how to talk about them, they had such an impact on me! The sense of peace standing at the feet of these giants was profound. I mean that most sincerely, it was truly, to me, profound. It was so hot out, but the shade and quietness was calming and grounding. Sun beams shone down through the green...making these soft little pathways to the dark earth below, or broke off into prisms of light. Looking up you could see that there was a breeze - the trees were moving - but it was so high up, and there was absolutely NO SOUND. It was just pure peace. Mario and I walked through the trees in awe, taking hundreds of photos, trying to grasp in a photo what we were seeing and feeling. We walked through a pathway at one point and came out on the river... crystal clear, refreshing, I walked right in. ;-)

Reluctantly I agreed we needed to get back to the inn for our dinner reservations on the back patio... which, I must say, was DELICIOUS!!! We had a cold white wine that was a blend of viognier and roussanne, with crusty bread,

local cheeses, fruits, salad and pasta. I was absolutely in heaven. After dinner we walked out to the front porch of the inn where I got to see Bell... which was a tearful event! it was so good to see her, and we got to talk and I met her bridesmaids and re-met her fiance. Mario met up with Star, an uncle, and The Irishman. The Irishman is married to someone that we determined was my cousin. The Irishman was ridiculously funny and charming. At one point Mario summed it really well, "How can one person be SO charismatic?!" It was pretty funny as we all agreed he was right. That night ended with some partiers jumping in the river and alot of laughs, and we even got to hang out with Bell and Star with them reliving some funny childhood memories of brother/sister stories... before we all retired to our rooms.

The next day Mario and I head out to the river to relax and swim a little. It was gorgeous!! Super hot sunny day, nice cold clear water... and no one around at all... I can imagine doing that day in and day out all summer long, if we lived up there!

Since Mario had forgotten to bring suitable shoes for the dressy wedding ceremony and recpetion, we head into 'town' that afternoon to find him some shoes. It was pretty funny... with the town consisting of a few hundred people, there was no mall or outlets to choose from. He ended up buying some (awful but workable) $2.50 shoes at the thrift shop. We tried to grab a late lunch before heading back to spend some time with the trees... but that was no easy task as town after teeny town went by where we said, "was that the town??" We finally found a funky little greasy spoon to grab some lunch in a town that sold wood carvings of Bigfoot.

After more amazing time communing with the trees... we went back to the inn and got ready for the wedding. And it was beautiful, and emotional, funny and fun! Bell looked gorgeous, she wore a cream colored dress that she made herself. Her fiance was totally choked up during the ceremony which was so sweet. The minister went into this hysterical, unintentially naughty inuendo'd speech which had the entire assembly giggling at first, then full out laughing. ;)

It did help me to control my tears during the ceremony, but I definitely blubbered over Bell during the receiving line! I believe I blubbered over her husband too...

During the reception the groomsmen and bridesmaids and some family members gave really funny and touching speeches, which I really enjoyed. We were seated with Lily (Star's wife) as she came with Melody that morning... and got to see what a good and cute baby Melody is. We got to witness the lovely family that Star, Lily and Melody make together.

Lily, Melody and Star

Bell had prepared a photo video montage to music, which everyone gathered to watch. It was then that it all caught up with me, and I had a total crying meltdown. The photos included images of Bell and Star growing up with my Dad, some of him by himself, none of which I had seen before. I felt so many things... loss... a great sense of sadness for his loss - the pain I felt in having lost him without ever really knowing him, the pain they must have felt in having lost him after having really known him so well. The loss that my mom has grappled with in regards to him, as well as Tracy and her mom. Paths untaken... The feeling of possibilities of hundreds of different ways that things could have happened... Joy in being able to be there and share with my family - and the unexplainable bond that "family" entails. I mean, I've only ever met these people a couple of times ever in my life -- and yet there was this closeness, sharing, love and joy. Poignance. It was so many things, but they were all at once, and my system went on overload.

I managed to pull myself together with Mario's loving support, and we went on to enjoy the rest of the night with many more laughs and good talks, ending the event on the front porch of the inn sitting at big wicker tables talking to Star and Lily and friends, watched over by the giant summer moon.

We had to leave the next morning, and drove back in one fell swoop... 12 hours. Yikes! But we had the beautiful memories and experiences of the trip to talk about and remember...