Clearing up some stuff

Cross Eyed Logan kitteh

Apparently there is some major confusion going on about my situation, my blog, etc..  I'll try to clarify... to the best of my understanding!

One or more of the 4 embryos we transferred back in early January started to stick in my uterus, the way we had hoped.  This starts a series of chain reactions, one of which is the development of pre-placental tissue.  This tissue creates HCG, which is a hormone whose presence in the body typically means the person is pregnant.  The embryos do NOT create the HCG.  People test for HCG by using an over the counter urine pregnancy test, or by having a blood draw which is referred to as a beta (bay-tuh).  Betas are expected to double roughly every 48 hours.  If things develop normally, after around 6 weeks, you should be able to see a growing fetus in a sack inside the uterus, using an ultrasound. 

If a woman gets pregnant "normally" as in has sex and gets pregnant... they usually confirm the pregnancy with one blood test through their ob/gyn doctor, and often do not know the results of their beta because it's done qualitatively -- it is a yes or no type test.  A quantitative test tells you the exact number, or in a way, "how" pregnant you actually are.  Usually only infertile women going through some type of assisted reproductive therapy such as IUI or IVF will have more than 1 beta draw, and they are always quantitative tests. 

There are some cases where you might get a positive on a urine test or a blood test, but then not see anything on the early ultrasound.  One reason is what is called a chemical pregnancy.  It was a "real" pregnancy but it was very short lived - a couple days or so.  The embryo does not survive and the body eliminates the bundle of cells in a regular 'period'.  Usually the initial beta is very low, such as mine was, at a 7.5.  It's believed that chemical pregnancies happen fairly often but most women never know because they get their period on time or maybe just a couple days late. 

Another time you would get a positive but not have a viable pregnancy is in the case of a blighted ovum. This is where the embryo attaches and begins to grow, but then fails, and the sack on the ultrasound does not contain a visible embryo.  These may miscarry themselves or they may require an assisted miscarriage such as through drugs or a D&C.  They may seem like normal betas in the beginning, or maybe not follow a normal pattern of increasing, and can be devastating to discover as you can imagine. 

Another time you would get a positive but not have a viable pregnancy is in the case of an ectopic pregnancy.  This is a pregnancy where the embryo has attached somewhere outside the uterus.  In the vast majority of cases they occur in the fallopian tubes.  Beta numbers in the case of ectopics are often irregular - they may start very low and then jump up, but not double regularly in their expected time frames, etc.  Even though I do not have tubes, there was a concern that my pregnancy may be ectopic.  It is very rare, but has been documented, where a pregnancy tries to develop in what is left of the tube (usually a stump).  Ectopic pregnancies can be serious and even life threatening, because for example if it was in a tube, they can cause the tube to rupture and cause severe pain and heavy bleeding.  However after all of this time, with no real symptoms such as the pain or bleeding, plus nothing visible on the ultrasounds, it seems clear to the doctors that I did not have an ectopic pregnancy.

I guess in my case the closest we can say to the above scenarios is that I had an advanced chemical pregnancy.  The tissue which creates the HCG was persistent enough to soldier on just enough somewhere in my uterus that it was able to overcome the different treatments we have thrown at it.  (the misoprostol, modified endo biopsy, and MTX shots, all done for the intention of eliminating the pre-placental tissue that I still had).    There is not a baby in there, my life is not at risk, and there's no physical pain.  It just basically sucks and is something we have been dealing with for about 4 months.  There's no shock value left in it for me or for Mario.  We are just doing what the doctor's tell me to do, and living our lives as normally as possible in the meantime.  Emotionally we are taking it a day at a time, being grateful for our blessings, speaking with a therapist, etc.

When I went back in on Tuesday for my 2nd round of MTX shots (which is a low dose chemo drug, given in a shot, which blocks folic acid uptake in rapidly reproducing cells such as those creating the HCG), Dr. Sunshine did an ultrasound just to check again if he could see anything going on.  He found 3 large cysts on my right ovary, and one very large one on my left ovary.  It explains the sharp twinges and pangs I had been having the last week or so (felt like ovulation pain but obviously not that!).  He said that they are caused by the excess hormones in my system, and would go away when the HCG has returned to zero.  He said he is not concerned about them, but did say that I probably felt "quite full".  Err -- yes!  My favorite description is that it feels like I have bags of change hanging from my ovaries.  :-P  He and the nurse assured me that my weight AND boobs would return to normal once this was resolved.  I can't wait!!!  :)  Especially the weight and boobs and normal part.  ha ha

So after the ultrasound I got the 2 MTX shots (again, one in each cheek).  I have felt pretty shitty the last few days as a result.  It just makes me feel very drained as though I am fighting something.  But I've been trimming and doing my thing and sometimes I feel totally normal too.  I haven't been back on my bike or horse, but I think in a day or two I will be.  I will go back in about a week for another beta test to see where the number has gone to.  I am praying that this will really truly be IT.  If it isn't, Dr. Sunshine has said that he will perform a D&C to scrape things out and be done with it.  But I don't think we will need to do that!  I don't think he really does either, but I know we are all reluctant to say anything in absolutes anymore, since I am the odds maker and all.  ;-)

OK -- as for my blog... there are a few of you that get my blog in your email.  If you get my blog in email, and reply to it, it only goes to my AOL address.  No one else sees it but me.  Only a few people read my blog and none of them are clients.  It is not listed in any listings on the internet.  It's just basically an on-line diary where I post about what is going on in my life.  Please don't feel you need to reply to it, and please don't feel you aren't allowed to reply to it.  It's totally up to you!  If it is emailed to you and you don't want it to be because it is upsetting you, as I've been told is the case for some, then just let me know and I can remove your email address from the list.  It's EASY and I don't mind.  Then you can just go to the blog site (which is http://blogspot.thegargiulos.com - it is basically a website that you can click on the link or type in the address and view) and read it IF you want to and feel up for it. 

OK I think I covered all the bases there?!

In OTHER news, here's some random fun info...

My fancy new client in San Diego area is wonderful.  I still can't believe she's "real", I love the way she thinks and she's just so nice.  I have manifested my ideal client (except perhaps she could live a bit closer, but Del Mar is beautiful and so far the drive has been very manageable).  :)  She let me meet the Olympic horse that her husband rides (and is going to the Olympics in London on this summer!)  I was giddy and silly and made it difficult for Mario to get a good picture.  The horse, on the other hand, was regal and businesslike, a professional.  ;-)  There is some exciting stuff happening on that front that I need to keep on the down low, but it's just amazingly exciting.  The last time down there she added another 1/2 a horse to our schedule (hinds only right now) and took us to lunch.  Very fun. :)

I will be going to northern CA in early june for the PHCP board of directors meeting and a clinic relating to equine body work, laterality, balance, etc.  I'll be flying up with my friend Jennifer who is also on the board (we've lost track of all the clinics we've attended together!  I would say around 20, no joke) and staying in wine country. It should be a fun, although busy and tightly packed, getaway.

Mario and I are talking about going to Hawaii for our 15 year anniversary this year.  We went for our 10th to Maui and I think it would be wonderful to go again...we are considering Kuai this time?   We are thinking of going in early fall, around Sept, to get good rates and avoid the crush. 

Lily the turtle, sunning herself on the large rock in the water

And finally, news on the fountain front!   Mario has added to the Gargiulo clan by 5 fish (4 small koi and one fancy tail goldfish) and one red slider turtle!   I was against this idea, mainly due to bad flashbacks of our ultimately failed and expensive attempt at a salt water reef tank.  But I have to admit so far everything is surviving (even, dare I say, flourishing??).  The fancy tail has a weird habit of swimming upside down (seriously!) and even lets Mario pet it.  That fish ain't right!  But it is very pretty and kind of funny.  The turtle is a female that Mario named Lillian (Lily for short, because she loves the lily pads) and she's started venturing out of the water and sunning herself on the rocks. 

The fancy tail (name still undecided - any ideas?) is to the left, Lily the turtle is near the rocks in the top middle of the photo.

Guess that's it for now ~ !   Hope all is well with you all...