Life plans? Live it...

So I finally got a chance to talk to Dr. Sunshine and figure some things out. He said we could go ahead with a frozen cycle, but that it was only about a 10% chance due to the grade B embie... he basically wrote that one off. :( He said he feels we could do better and get 2-3 grade A's to transfer and have much better odds - "triple that" - so...30%? Ok, it doesn't sound that hopeful, but I am not great at math so I am going to stick with the word rather than the number. And triple the odds sounds great.

(picture: my client horse "Curly" and I after trimming him today)

He asked if I wanted to talk it over with Mario... but we had already agreed we trusted the doctor and would go ahead with what he recommended. He said they were already gathering meds for us and that I could talk to the nurse also. I thanked him, but I always do - I hope that he knows that we were really grateful for what he is doing for us!

Talking to the nurse confused matters a bit, though. Their lab closes down for the holidays, and it seems as though I will be right on the cusp of that closing depending on when my cycle starts. There's not much I can do but wait it out - when I call on day 1, they will tell me if I will carry on for December or if I need to wait until January.

I honestly hate not knowing. We had planned to go to NJ for the holidays, plus Mario's 40th! Now we won't know in time to get tickets, at least without spending a fortune that we don't have. I have a control freak side of me that pops up its head sometimes, and it has tried a few times recently to find out whys and whens that honestly are probably not knowable. But, this entire process (heck, not just IVF but life) will make you insane if you don't just take it one day at a time, and this has been a big learning experience for me to just not get ahead of myself. Yeah, you need to plan for things and work at things, but then you have to let go... like Oprah says ;-) -- when there's nothing more you can do about it, you have to let go...


........

I am sad to report that another friend, Maria, lost her battle with cancer. She was only a few years older than I am. One day she was a very busy full time hoof trimmer and horse trainer - and an artist and jewelry maker, and the next she was in the fight for her life... which she fought so strongly, but ultimately lost. I cannot imagine what her family and boyfriend are going through right now. It just felt so sudden, so instantly life changing, and now they are left with her absence and their grief... She also left behind her horses that she of course loved so deeply. It's really a comfort to think of her being able to be with them again, and I hope that everyone that loved her can find some peace in that... and begin to heal.

Rest in peace, Maria ~ or if I know you ~ give 'em hell. :-)