I needed that!

Sunrise in Malibu




A couple of days ago I started doing my shots myself, when Mario thought he was coming down with something and went to bed early one night. I decided I should just do it already, I am a big girl now after all! It went so well I actually surprised myself. So I did them the next morning when Mario had to leave really early in the morning, and again it went well. I had a monitoring appointment on NYE morning, and the RE saw 5 follicles, but one was slightly leading the charge at a 15 with the next closest around 12. He prescribed a new med to add to the list, which helps slow things down so the follicles grow more slowly and around the same size. So that was 6 shots a day... 2 in the morning, and 4 at night.



NYE we layed low, after the doctor's appt, electrocution appt (aka acupuncture with electrical stimulation) and trimming all day. Mario picked up salads from CPK, and we ended up watching Saturday Night Fever and the festivities in NYC. I had a glass of champagne with my RE's ok! We made it til 11:15, and then woke up again at midnight with all the fireworks going off. :)



Just when I thought I was getting the hang of things with this whole IVF thing, doin' my own shots and all, last night I had a weird reaction after shooting up. I was 3 in, only 1 to go, when I suddenly felt extremely queasy, broke out in a full hot sweat (like a hot flash on steroids) and felt dizzy. I had to go sit down in the bathroom with the window open on me, and eventually was able to get up and sip some water. Mario was freaked out, and even when I felt better after whatever it was seemed to have passed, he didn't want me to take my final shot for the night. We called the RE on call (10:30 at night) and he said it was highly unlikely that it was an allergic reaction due to my having been on the shots already for several cycles. He said to go ahead and do the final shot, which Mario did for me and I felt ok. This morning's shots went fine too. So weird...



Dr. Moonshine this morning said it was probably the microdose HCG I am taking - saying that HCG is part of what causes nausea in pregnant women. He also said it is basically just a lot of hormones and my body may have just said 'enough for now, thanks!' He put extra needles in my ears and forehead today, which was new, to help me chill out a bit. I was pretty wound up when I got there this morning...



Dr. Sunshine was back from vacation today and did my monitoring. Not sure what happened there, but my 5+ follies turned into 2. :( There are several smaller ones lingering on both sides, but they probably will not be mature at trigger, and my left side fell back asleep again like last time. The 2 on that side were only a 9 and 10, with the ones on the right being 15 and 16. Dr. Sunshine wants me back in there tomorrow, as my estrogen was in the mid 600s, and it looks like we are approaching the trigger soon. Looks like ER (egg retrieval) will be on Friday or Saturday. Since another day or two of stimming was added to the schedule, we had to drive to Northridge to pick up another $500 worth of meds. (which made us realize that the 1,500 we spent on meds this cycle was less than 1/2 of what we were donated by Dr. Sunshine and his nurses!!) Sobering thought that one shot is $200-$300. This fertility shit ain't for sissies! Either financially, emotionally or physically!



So I am feeling sad for myself on the way home and Mario and I are discussing the situation... the whole thing, the different aspects and emotions that go with it. Like how my age and being out of pocket really up the ante and increase the stakes. I was spending some time wrapping my mind around it all, how I went from "if it happens it happens" to completely scheduling my life and every last cent of savings around trying to make it happen! We talked about how we would feel if Dr. Sunshine cancels us again, and would we go through a whole other fresh cycle. The thought of doing the BCPs, the shots, paying for whatever meds weren't donated, the acupuncture, re-scheduling my trims, driving to the two doctors every day... it all just felt completely overwhelming and depressing. I was sitting at a light at a freeway off ramp, when a little flicker of something to my left caught my eye. I glanced over, and there it was again -- nearly blending in with the leaves of a rose bush on the divider, was a little... yellow... bird.



I can't tell you the feeling of gratitude that washed over me at that moment! I so needed that bright ray of hope, right at that moment! I teared up, and said a little prayer... thank you!