Some progress!

Had my first blood draw since the MTX shot, and waited allll day for the news (usually get my call backs around 2, this time I had to wait until almost 5)... but the good news is that my HCG dropped 1,000 points! It is now in the 600's. Phew!! When the nurse told me, I said "thank God!" and she said "yeah, that's what we all said!" I was told to go back in 10 days to get my next draw and make sure it is still dropping. Wouldn't it be awesome if it dropped at the same rate? I would be at 0 (or at least the "not pregnant" range) in a week! I realize that if I used a home pregnancy test right now I would still look totally pregnant... but I feel so much better knowing it is going down and hopefully I can put this behind me sooner than later. It's been 9 weeks since my first beta!

In the last week I was able to enjoy some time in the jacuzzi -- it's been over a year since either Mario or I were in it! Today after trimming we went to a favorite little mexican restaurant in Ojai and enjoyed a very strong margarita (on the rocks, no salt, and with my nurse's ok!) Little things like those two make me feel like I am reclaiming a teeny part of myself and our life back.

I am not saying there aren't moments when I feel like someone kicked my feet out from under me. Driving to the doctor's office on Monday I had a series of emotions hit me after seeing some texts and facebook messages that left me in tears. Things that I thought a moment ago didn't bother me any more come back to bother me with a biting vengeance. Other times I feel uplifted and grateful for the learning and growth we've experienced as a result of all of this. But these are all normal parts of recovery, I believe. Especially because I am on some levels still grappling with the concept that we might not have a baby, ever. I am not deciding that, it is just part of the process as we move through the next few months. I cannot cycle, I am on a forced break, and at the same time one we don't really have time for. We are working through scenarios, emotions and possibilities. I feel as though I am clearing out my body, working toward a slate that I hope is blank and clean by this summer. We really aren't sure what we will start painting, when the time comes...

But for now... we have some progress.